Postnatal Depression Isn’t Always What You Think: Signs, Support & Hope

You might not be crying every day. You might be doing all the things you “should” be doing. You might be smiling in all the photos. And yet – something doesn’t feel right.

Postnatal depression is very common (current UK statistics suggest that 10–20% of new mothers are affected), yet it’s still misunderstood and often goes undetected. If you’re a new mum reading this and you don’t feel like yourself, you are not alone – and it is not your fault.

So what is postnatal depression? (and what it isn’t)

In simple terms, it’s depression that develops after having a baby – symptoms may include persistent low mood, feelings of hopelessness, negative thoughts, loss of enjoyment in things you used to love, tearfulness, avoiding social contact, and feeling like even the smallest tasks are a huge effort. It’s exhausting.

The tricky part is that some of these symptoms can be brushed off as “normal” life with a newborn:

“Of course you’re going to be tired.”

“Obviously you’re going to be emotional – it’s the baby blues.”

But postnatal depression is not the baby blues.

The baby blues typically appear within the first few days after birth, often linked to hormonal shifts and your milk coming in. They usually pass within a few days. Postnatal depression runs deeper, lasts longer, and may appear weeks or even months after birth.

Another misconception is that postnatal depression means you don’t love your baby. This is simply not true. Most parents experiencing PND care deeply for their baby, but feel weighed down by emotional heaviness, exhaustion, or detachment. Loving your baby and struggling with your mental health can exist at the same time.

Less obvious signs to look for

Postnatal depression doesn’t always look like sadness. It can also include:

• Feeling numb or disconnected

• Irritability or anger

• Persistent guilt or intrusive thoughts

• Difficulty sleeping (even when the baby sleeps)

• Overwhelming anxiety or dread

• Thoughts like “I’m a terrible parent” or “They’d be better off without me”

  
  

If any of these feel familiar, please know: you are not broken. You are struggling – and you deserve support.

Why it can be so hard to recognise

Several factors make PND easy to miss. You might expect tiredness, mood swings, and emotional moments after birth, so it’s harder to see when these tip into something more serious. Or you may have imagined feeling blissfully in love – tired, yes, but happy in a cosy newborn bubble – and the messy reality of sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and constant demands can feel overwhelming.

Stigma can also keep people silent. Thoughts like “I should be grateful” or fears of judgment (“People will think I don’t love my baby” or “They’ll take my baby away”) often mean feelings are minimised or hidden.

And to others, PND can be invisible – many parents appear outwardly “fine” while privately struggling.

Help and Hope

Asking for help takes courage, but recovery is possible – you will not feel like this forever.

My support as both a doula and perinatal mental health nurse is gentle, compassionate, and tailored to your needs. Sessions may include exploring your experiences, a birth debrief, a safe and confidential space to talk, goal setting, practical ideas, therapeutic interventions, and wellbeing strategies.

You don’t need a diagnosis to reach out. You can book a free call with me here to explore your options.

You are not failing. You are finding your way through a difficult season. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Further information

Postnatal Depression (RCPsych)

PANDAS Foundation

Maternal Mental Health Alliance

Mental Health Support